Right smack in the face....

You know those moments?
The ones that you could almost literally feel someone hitting you in the face saying, Wake up!

Much to hubs dismay I unfortunately like Justin Bieber. LOL. I love his song Pray. Tonight for the first time I saw his music video for it. I was in tears!

http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=76LGD7NX

I have a hard but easy job.
It's second nature now.

Start an IV. Give medications. Dress a wound. Wipe away anything from tears to blood. Watch people kill themselves slowly while others do anything they can to keep themselves alive.

You become numb to things that you NEVER thought you could. You just do things, it just happens, sometimes you don't even think, it's just a reflex that you develop as an ER nurse.

You become jaded, I mean REALLY jaded. You start to see everyone the same. Someone trying to get drugs or to cheat the system. You want to care but it's hard to see past the perpetual revolving door of these people.

I try to go into work everyday with a new attitude but within 5 minutes it's shot down. I have been thinking of a career change. The working of weekends, holidays, days, nights, evenings has really gotten to me.

But, I realized tonight. I am very lucky to have the education that I do and the job that I do. And hopefully at some point I could change/save someones life. After all thats what nurses are for.